23March2010

man, havent been on here in a while.. been freaking out a lot lately.. just so stressed with everything going on back home.. scared.. im torn between wanting papa to stay or let him go so he is no longer suffering.. im going to new york on saturday so hopefully i have a little de-stress time.. i have to finalize my schedule for the next year and thats pretty stressful too bc im worried i wont get enough done.. i have to study for an organic exam on friday.. i swear she just gave us one before spring break.. another epic fail, since i just bombed a quiz on this stuff.. im so glad that trauma is back on.. its one of my faves.. today and yesterday were long days.. i was stuck in lab until 4 or so yesterday and i had cell lab this morning at 8.. and i have some nsls stuff going on tonight and im just not in the mood to get up from my desk.. ill prolly have to get up soon to get supper.. blah.. i just cannot wait until easter break.. i need it dearly! but its next weekend so hopefully this week and next week fly by, but with fantastic weather (fingers crossed).. i guess im supposed to actually be blogging about something but that aint gonna happen.. my life just sucks.. it kinda helps to get my thought out, but i still restrain from putting everything down.. im not on to "share".. idk.. i guess its just how i grew up.. and now im rambling about nonsense.. so im gonna go now.. cheers lol :)

02Mar2010

boreddd.. trying to kill time before class at 230.. i wish i could talk to mom and figure out whats going on back home.. hopefully this afternoon or tonight.. i guess ben isnt feeling so hot but hopefully he feels better soon.. i cannot wait for spring break to get here.. 2.5 more days or so.. i just really need a break from school.. apparently lady gaga's music video for telephone is coming out on the 8th.. fun fact.. bio club finally decided on our tshirt.. and we picked my idea!.. not like there was any other option since no one else had one lol.. its gonna say scientists use protection and have goggles/gloves.. stuff like that.. idk what is going to happen when the seniors graduate bc im the only officer not graduating.. not sure if i should move up to president yet, but i think i will if cristina does vice, that way i have her to go to if i need some help.. still undecided.. and there is way too much drama here all the sudden, what is this?! whatever.. i just have to make it til friday, then im home free!!!

28Feb2010

i havent been on here in a while.. not much going on.. pretty stressed out lately tho.. too many personal issues going on back home.. so being here at school and not being able to be there for the people who mean the most, its very hard :\ im also avoiding studying at all costs.. i let myself get so overwhelmed and then i have even less drive to succeed.. one of my big flaws.. hopefully the boy will call soon so that he can talk me out of this funk.. i have so much to do, so i guess i better get off of here and try to talk myself into doing it.. <3

07.23.09

im really sick of my sister acting like a baby.. i just want to be back at school where i dont have to deal with this.. it keeps getting worse.. and so does my grandfather.. he walked from his house to our and my grandmother didnt even notice.. =\ and he is still hallucinating: he keeps seeing people across the river and thinks people are out to get him.. he needs a doctor who give a shit bc he just keeps getting medicine after medicine.. mom wants them to move in with us.. i volunteered to move down to the basement, but now im told i dont even get to move into the spare room.. i have to just sleep out in the open down there bc she wants her desk to stay in the one room.. [there is one room down there, the rest of it is just open].. pretty much i hate it here.. i go for my license test on saturday.. idk how ill do.. i parallel parked in mom's blazer about half the time, and im testing in ben's car, which is much smaller.. last chance to practice is tomorrow night =/ idk how im gonna do it.. i have to work tomorrow.. i go in for 3 hours.. i dont understand why they have such weird hours up there.. bc i work 945 to 1245.. its so weird.. it was nice not having to work the past two days tho.. i just hate being home..

07.01.09

i really wish i was back at school.. i just get so bored here.. i could at least chill in my room in peace if i wanted to at school.. here, i have no door and its always WWIII.. efffffff.. i get a three day weekend off from work for the 4th [somehow] and i dont even have anything to do.. nothing.. its like the worst little vacation ever.. ill be stuck at home getting bitched at.. what joy.. i have to work a 9 hr shift tomorrow.. i hate those.. and im in mens.. if it were anywhere else, i would be fine [except jewelry].. im sure im stuck working with wonderful people too.. i would love to be back in home.. i like it back there.. i think its the most chill place in the whole store.. plus i love looking at all the cute kids clothes lol.. at school for some reason people actually want to hang around me.. its weird.. that never happens to me.. not complaining or anything either.. i just usually keep to myself.. and people just leave me be.. except at home.. ugh.. anything i do is a problem.. i feel like thats all i ever write about but its my life.. thats what i have to deal with every single day.. i just need a break from it all.. this summer really sucks.. and ive been home for 2 months.. what have i done? worked and been a problem for everyone here at the house.. i cant afford my own place.. plus i dont get financial aide if i am not living at home.. thats the real kicker.. ugh! there is no lactaid milk for all the kids with special milk either! i want some applejacks! lol.. later this month im going to go out and see my grandparents again.. go out to their cabin and have some food and maybe play some more redneck golf.. i am sooooo boredddd! ugh.. i hate this place.. i wish i wasnt retarded and got my license like last year.. i cant test until the 25th.. i have to find a car too.. there is a white mustang on the strip that i like.. idk when i would be able to get in there tho with my schedule.. ive checked a few places online and have not found any cheap enough.. there are some on ebay but idk.. depends on how i would have to pay for it.. i guess ill try to see if i could find something to do..

06.29.09

sick of my parents throwing a fit about everything.. they just wont shut up.. they keep trying to run my life.. i just want to be away from it all.. everyone here just wont let me be without finding something wrong with me.. i just need a break.. some how college keeps looking more and more appealing..........

06.28.09

still living this boring life.. updating my computer then prolly just messing around on the internet for a little while.. nothing better to do.. working again tomorrow.. and tuesday.. im excited bc i somehow got a 3 day weekend for the 4th without asking.. im not complaining one bit tho =] im ready for tomorrow.. i get to see benjamin.. i have to make a walmart run and switch a few things at the bonton.. bc i checked all the tags of the shirts to make sure the size was right and i somehow missed one.. of course it doesnt fit...... o well.. then its off to walmart.. and then who knows what.. i doubt ill spend the night with ben then.. he has training, dont know if he plans on staying or if he is gonna clean out his gear locker.. omg safari takes FOREVER to d/l! maybe bc office is updating? idk.. o well.. posted my textbooks online.. hopefully someone buys them bc i would love to sell them asap.. hopefully someone buys them all and i have lots of money for textbooks this year.. i havent really searched yet but i should get the isbn numbers for my books this semester to ensure i get the right ones.. but im lazy.. yea, story of my life.. i wish i could just do my own thing at my own pace but that will never happen.. dont feel like writing any more at the moment.. ta ta!